Ps- You're a homewrecker.

I've never enjoyed waking up early.. Ever since it happened, it's even more of an arduous task. But this morning when you called just to say, "Wake up, you're going to be late for school" made it that much easier for me to get up and go. I've always been a self-sufficient person, but you fuel the fire in a different kind of aspect, and I highly respect you for that. Sometimes I feel like all of this is so surreal, and good things never come around for someone like me.. But at the end of the day, I just "close my eyes and curve my mouth", and that reassurance remains perpetual.

I've gone 18 years being my own backbone. I never, ever relied on a damn person but myself to be my own momentum to get through whatever was thrown at me-- And I'm never going to stop doing that. But just the thought that you're out there, wanting the best for me as well, keeps me incessantly driven. I confidently look up to you and I always talk about how you're such an inspiration. You bluntly state it like it is, no sugar-coated bullshit. You don't refrain from telling me things I don't want to hear, and I need that once in awhile. I tend to get wrapped up in my own little world, and it's not good for me. I didn't understand your motives at first, but your intentions get a little less obscure the more and more I hear it.. I did realize though that I'm slowly building tougher skin. You're one of the most driven people I know.. I can't complain about waking up early, or working too hard, or any of that. I have to say though, sometimes it does get annoying when I feel like everything I do is so miniscule.. It seems as if nothing I'm experiencing and doing now will ever amount to what you've gone through and continue to go through.. You're my toughest critic, but I commend you for it. It makes me want to work that much harder. My respect for you is unfathomable. I don't know anyone else who takes a 45 hour work week lightly like you do. When I tell people your schedule, they usually respond with an.. "Oh my god he works too much.." or "Why is he killing himself already? He's so young." But the way I see it now is, you do what you gotta do, And that's what it is. You are a living, breathing example of everything you preach to me, and you're always provoking my desire to succeed.

This probably doesn't make any sense at all, but I have so much to say and I can't organize my thoughts thoroughly enough for it to be understood clearly. So onto the next subject before I get lost in translation..

I went to lunch today with the 6. Damn, I can't explain to you guys how much better I feel after sitting down with them and letting all the frustration and tears go. They kind of just reminded me who they percieved me to be initially, and how it would be unfortunate if I let it all slip away because of one persons impudent actions. I hate being this girl who's afraid of life. I can't let it fucking control me, and I won't. Shit happens, but you just have to let it get in your face and sink in so you can accept it for what it is, and move on. I've always been a strong person, and despite the intensity of the incident, I won't let this be the thing to break me down.

Anyway.. I've been sitting in the computer lab for 2 hours now.. I need to get shit done so I can go home and bust my ass. It's midterm season and Lord knows I have 1 too many projects to just be sitting here blogging about who knows what..

With that said,
peace be the journeyyyyy.