Quick rant.. Or I hope it's quick.

I really don't intend to get "deep" in this blog.. But there's a few things I need to get off my chest before I can start a new week.

I've been SO stressed out with bills lately.. I calculated how deep in the hole I'm in, and I have about $700.00 worth THIS WEEK. God knows I don't have that kind of money laying around, and so I put it off.. Like I've been doing every paycheck. Put down a little, and more accumulates. What else is new? I've realized since living in this house that shit happens. But no matter if you're sad, mad, or nonchalant about the situation, it's still happening. So I've been trying to just be happy despite my situation, and tell myself that "this is what I have to do." I know my credits gonna be fucked up for awhile, and my old apartment will probably file a small claims court with me.. But I just really need to re-focus, and WORK. If it means working til 1am at the sushi place everyday, then I guess that's what I need to do to get these knocked out of the way. I can't let this burden me anymore! And I know there are millions of people in this world that are thousands and thousands of dollars in debt, but this is MY debt.. And for me, any kind of debt is scary. Living at home, I never had to worry about my finances. And now all of a sudden I have to worry about paying for rent, school, my car, smud and pg&e, and credit card(s).

So I've decided that I won't make another San Jose trip until my debt is completely eliminated.. Even if it takes months. Because the last few times I've been there, I realized there's less than a handful of friends who actually take the time to call ME and make plans with ME. And of all the 8-10 friends I visit regularly when I go down there, I highly doubt that any of them would make a trip out to Sac just to kick it. It is disappointing, because I would think that at least 2 of these people would want to come up and see me. I've been in Sac for almost 3 years now, and you guys don't know how hard I try to avoid the drift and keep our friendship tight.. But if I'm the only one willing to meet halfway, don't even meet me there. I'll stay in Sac with my close friends, and just be content with that. It's funny how me and Patrick (Angeles) haven't kicked it or seen each other in so many years, he lives in SoCal, and I hear from him more than all of SJ friends combined. Even if it's just a goodmorning/goodnight thing, he takes HIS time to see what's up with ME. I'm really not trying to point the finger at anyone, but thinking about it more and more makes me a little more bitter everyday. I'm honestly not surprised that it's like this, and nagging really isn't worth the effort, so I'll just stop.

Long story short.. No more San Jose for a good while. So if you want to make a Sac trip.. You know how to get a hold of me. But I'm almost 101.1% sure that that's not going to happen.

It seems like when one good thing happens, another bad one arises.. You get your oil changed, then your coil goes out. You get a $150 bonus at work, and you get it stolen from your own house. You meet someone amazing, but he doesn't think you are. You fix one thing with your dad, and then he finds another reason to fight with you. You go in for a checkup, and find out you're really sick. You realize the day you have to go all the way to Stockton for court, is the day of your mid-term presentation.

:(

I don't know.. On a brighter note though, I got my court papers in the mail.. My ticket said it wasn't fixable, but the one they sent in said all I have to do is get it registered under my dads name, get new tags, and the fee is only going to be $10, and I don't even need to talk to a judge. So! That's one less thing I need to worry about..

Anyway.. Really busy/productive day today.. Laterrrr..

ps-

Friday, August 15, 2008
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
You may feel as if you are in a rut and could be rather disillusioned about the prospects for change. A recent disappointment only added to your current malaise. But don't make despondency a habit, for everything is about to change. You are better off being hopeful about the future than you are being saddened by the past.

coincidence? i think not!

xoxxxoxoxo!