TO: MY BETTER HALF

you know, ever since i can remember.. i was the "go-to" girl. i was the (single) relationship therapist. the don't drink and drive broken record. the "there's always another route" lecturer. and now i look at myself and i'm thinking, i'm in no place to give advice anymore. i'm extremely disappointed in myself. i've gone against everything i've ever preached to the people i love, and i can't take it back. i know who i was, and that's who i want to be still. even though i'm going through shit, it still doesn't give me a good enough excuse to explain what i did. it doesn't make it any less wrong. i just can't bear the fact that the one person who knows me inside and out may have given up on me. i know for a fact i'm strong when i don't rely on anyone.. but i can't always be superwoman. i can't always have that "i don't need anyone mentality" because i know i wasn't truly happy. i was just too scared to let anyone break down my guard. i've gone my entire life not being able to trust or depend on anyone. and i guess i was okay with it. until this one day, when i met this amazing person that just changed everything. i know i began to rely on you too much, but it was just nice to feel appreciated for once in my life by someone other than my family. i know exactly what i want to do, and what i need to do. and there's no doubt in my mind that i will do it. i just hope i can climb out of this hole that i've gotten so deep into so that i can have my life back. all i want is your forgiveness.

<3, SDOT

please don't ask me about this blog.. it's between me and this person. and right now i just need to vent.

have a safe and happy new years.